Little Shop of Horrors

Boy did they come prepared.

Cones, bibs and more footballs than an infant’s ball pit. Parents, they had those creatures too; silently expectant, ready and perhaps redolent to eulogise on the forthcoming victory march. Autopsy at the ready! Warm up drills conducted by their “decent” coach and what’s this...surely not.....no! A warm down coach - but this is England? Adrian Giles and his recent expo as a wild drinking pontiff ready and seemingly willing to educate the masses, I tolerate to a point but this really takes the biscuit.

Match haircuts specifically coiffured for their 1st friendly of the season. Club bus, tannoy and the kind of organised arrival time that amateur football Managers across the land hanker for. Tanned and bronzed skin from a recent overseas preseason football tour. Tattoos of dragons and castles?

Well folks that was today’s opposition the Academy team “Berks Elite FC”!

Boy did we come prepared.

A joint selection of Knights & Colts and a selection of trialling players that were loosely threaded and barely ready to embark upon a first U14’s preseason friendly.

If “Berks Elite FC” turned up wearing lampshades, they would have been forgiven for wearing Crystal Chandeliers, we on the other hand could have been forgiven for choosing those bulbous paper variety found in student accommodation across the land. Do they even have a name?

So only having the 1 ball and with the kind of shirt swapping activities last seen at Xavier’s house in the late 1980's - Hampton’s last known Acid House party!

Silent and wispy we kicked off this fixture without a sensible referee or mediator.

Any trepidation in terms of class soon dissipated as the joint beef of our Colts/Knights squad began chopping into the gums of this Elite’s team. Hunger that bubbled over into a frenzy, think Orin Scrivello or (Steve Martin’s) dentist in the film Little shop of Horrors!
The maxim for this game was, communication, attitude and fitness – the score line inconsequential.

Who was I kidding…..

We were up by 3 goals before I had time to remind myself that all I do on match day is charge up and down the side line like some maniac who had won the jackpot on the lottery but has forgotten where he left the winning ticket.

Coming in at half time, we were delighted to find ourselves 3 goals to 1 up after controlling play with delightful passages of possession and greater zeal and determination! Naturally on a large 3G surface and against quality opposition, Berks Elite came out in the second half silence and begun to show a little steel and quality of their own. Pulling the curtains together they narrowed our opportunities and the score with an early second half screamer and then tugged ever harder to draw level before the death – Crikey!

Well at 3 all and time quickly running out, a narrow gap appeared between said curtains. Jacob, sighting the light, shouldered passed the 3 remaining defenders and slipped the ball past keeper and into the net. Bisto and redemption after a number of wayward attempts earlier on!

Final Score HRBYFC Knights & Colts (4) – Berks Elite FC (3).

Jacob x 2 Joel x 1 Adam x 1

Notables: William’s pace and strength, Charlie’s goal line header that scuppered the opposition from scoring, Adam scoring on his debut and capping of a decent trial. Ben Roohan, unbeatable throughout the first half! Leo running toward his own goal to retrieve possession. Jacob’s general electricity.

MOTM: Kaya Fettan – A total powerhouse performance at Centre Back.

Song: The Dentist Song - Little Shop of Horrors - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOtMizMQ6oM

Enjoy.