Bisto

Erstwhile Chester City Manager, Harry McNally, once took his team out to Blimpers Discotheque in the City on the eve of a big game. The bonding exercise didn’t quite pay off as the Gruff Gaffer took the blame for a heavy defeat the next day and his board demanded answers.
As legend has it he told the suits in the board room that his lot were “sh*t drunk or sober, ” so he felt they might as well have fun.

These days it is all heart monitors, kale smoothies and ice baths though I actually think purveyors of kale should be arrested. It is vile. They should do time along with those participating in Mexican Waves, supporting Milton Keynes or leaving matches ten minutes from time.

With the boys safely tucked up in bed the co-Gaffer took to the nightlife of Twickenham and was seen throwing shapes in the Patch into the wee small hours. It was a little nod to football of yesteryear. A cap doff to the Wagon Wheel and Bovril era. Newcastle Brown Ale, Castlemaine 4X, Coors, Pacers, white dog poo and crumbling terraces.

It was therefore rather nice of those good people of Maidenhead to schedule the game at 11 o’clock rather than some of the ungodly kick off times of last season.

So, off we pootled, taking care not to invite yet another Hampton football related speeding course.

The second league game of the season brought the Colts to the home of the Maidenhead Cobras, who had taken their bow in the East Berks league the week before with a somewhat unglamorous 11-0 defeat. Whisper it quietly but I think they might have underestimated the 3rd division.

Minus new striker, Adam, who suffered a minor knee injury in training on Wednesday and minus Bertie who was having new vocal chords inserted after a noisy start to the campaign, the Colts set about dismantling their beleaguered opposition somewhat ruthlessly. Not even Maidenhead supporting Timmy Mallett could help them. Well, he actually wasn’t there. He watches the men’s team not the U14 Cobras. And unless the Cheeky Comic was Lionel Messi in disguise he probably couldn’t have helped keep the rampant Colts at bay anyway.
Neat flicks, silky passing, robust defending and rapidly improving communication all came together to build on the good work of last Saturday.

Leo passed like a modern-day Wally Downes. John Blanco’s feet were faster than Billy Elliot on Friday Night sped up Capital Radio. Jacob was just Jacob, adding one beautiful flicked nutmeg to his normal repertoire of four goals. There were cracking displays throughout the squad and it could easily have been a lot more.

And so it was that the Colts went second in the early table on goal difference though I had to be told that as, being a football traditionalist, I refuse to look at the league table until Christmas.

11-2 was the final score with the goals scored by:

Jacob 4, Ed 2 John Boy 2, Muzzy, Leo, Kaya
MOTM Leo Kinchin
Weather: Clement
Crowd: Chipper