Ohhhhhhhh

Report by X.Wiggins

Hampton and Richmond Borough FC Youth Colts travelled to the Wokingham and Elmbrook Oranges Under 14s in the final of the longest names for football teams in the East Berks FA challenge cup trophy shield and emerged 9-0 victors.

Having dispatched Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch in the previous round this was billed as a must win to keep title hopes alive.

Colts debutant, Aryan, won the prize for the most dramatic arrival at a football ground. As I parked up I was greeted by a scene from The Evil Dead. There was more blood on show than your average Glasgow A & E ward on a Saturday night after the Old Firm Derby. Aryan had not warned us that his pre-match ritual included nose bleeds of biblical proportions.

The patched up colts set about the oppo with gusto and went into the break two nil up. This was not a day to mess with the Colts as 50/50 after 50/50 went the Colts' way. They were just absolutely ruthless. Seven second half goals were testimony to the utter dominance of this improving side.

3 from Jacob, 2 from Adam, 2 from John Boy, a first goal from Ryan and one from Kaya sent the Colts back into the traffic mither of Bracknell in fine spirits. Not even the hour extra drive home could dampen the indomitable spirit. In fact, rush hour in Jakarta hanging out of the back of a tuk tuk in a storm would not have killed the mood.

Did I mention that we were patched up? Colts were patched up.

Not only was there our very own blood transfusion service on the left wing but Leo had to be scraped out of bed like the grandfather in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory or one of those 60 stone Americans on Channel 5 who haven't left the house for a decade and need to be winched out of bed by a makeshift crane. Arvinho was keeping his powder dry for the big Knights Cup Clash today. Louis was out. As was Will.

Ryan and Viduna came in and were excellent. It is so satisfying in kids' football when a player excels in a totally new position. Ryan did exactly that in the middle, moving in from the right wing and looking like he had always played there. Aryan, created wave upon wave of attack down the left. Leo filled in at right back and underlined his increasing versatility. The defence kept their second clean sheet on the spin. Jacob and Adam were every bit the dream strike force, once again. Whilst John Boy crafted stuff in the middle of the park that wouldn't look out of place on Match of the Day.

Great performance.

MOTM Sam Robert and Ryan Greenwood
Goals: Jacob 3, Adam 2, John Boy 2, Ryan 1, Kaya 1
Weather: Clement
Crowd: Blood splattered