Bisto &

Mutha & Fatha!

He spoke....

“In that you’ve got a Francis Bacon; Kevin Bacon, Biffa Bacon and finally a Smoky Bacon, carefully amalgamating together in that there Bap”. A (Bread Roll) for the genteel! The voice, hardly enigmatic, boomed all this from the back side of a back street in the dodgiest of dodge burger vans.

Anyone familiar with poorly maintained, downright filthy council charged “Sports Changing Facilities” are all too aware that such decrepit environs need not be mistaken for changing rooms anymore than this Van could be forgiven for serving edible food.

Let us now give testimony to a very real transmogrification that takes place in such spaces across our country each calendar weekend.

Largely speaking, cognisant and articulate human being wilfully stroll into such dens and these same sane creatures suddenly begin to articulate themselves with hoots; howls, yowls & squeals which soon pipe down to an audible level before trailing off into an assortment of colourful language.

I remarked on David Attenborough last time out, well the sly old Silver Fox should really leave them animals alone and get back to the basics. Get himself and his marvellous cameraman, over to yesterday’s South Reading Scorpions toilet/changing facility to see whether a new and hitherto unheard of Homosapien is in existence today?

For good reason Sir David will thank Reading’s despondent council for having the decency to secure and lock up a Clubhouse that, externally at least, looked like it houses some of England’s most dangerous and feared criminals.

Well it was with this in mind I compelled myself to retort back to the street vendor “you know what geezer, stick your fancy Bacon butty, I am off to watch HRBYFC finest over in Ewell this morning. There will be enough art on display, footloose wizardry and plenty of physical battles to sink these teeth into.

So I encourage and welcome you all to squeeze into my DeLorean as I take you back in time to what transpired away in Ewell Village this morning as an U13’s Knights side Smoked a decent Ewell team.

The whistle and the Knights got off to sizzling start. 8 perhaps 9 minutes passed before Ewell touched the ball as we deftly passed the ball around all 4 corners of the pitch. Think cricket ball being shared around the outfield at Lords before politely being returned to the bowler. Nice!

Next a goal, like a good cup of tea, sometime in the making but when it arrives it sinks down with sumptuous ease. So much so in fact that immediately afterward a Knights 11 sat back with packets of Rich Tea biscuits allowing AFC Ewell back into a game that they almost had given up on. A gallant and brave Knight’s defence underwent a crumbly few moments before making the opposition understand that whilst occasionally generous, these biscuits were our biscuits and for once we are not prepared to share.

So a competent if not always comfortable display. Any notable incidents?

Yes! Seb Lawson called up and booked for verbally assaulting a linesman and referee who had seemingly not been home since Halloween!? Seb passionately articulated the following “that’s not a Ewell throw referee! That really ought to have gone our way”?

We have witnesses to all this of course so I have spoken to his long suffering parents who have promised to increase the strength of his medication and replace the electronic tagging device back into a shin pad. His Parents on the other hand were rather quite pleased as Seb has recently taken up an interest in Haiku poetry. Sighting the teachers insistence that he used as much colourful language as possible!

The game ended with an away victory of 5 to a home score of 1

Goals came in the way of Jacob (2) Freddy (2) and Ben Roohan (1)

MOTM: Awarded to the two bid Men of the side Jacob & Freddy.

Song: Ian Dury & The Blockheads I Wanna be Straight from 1980 – enjoy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NS5bxk89gQg